Do I need to rewrite this poem, or is it okay as it stands?

I agree with the comment about the lark. However I do like some aspects of the poem. I particularly like the last 3 lines. I personally think you may want to pay more attention to the rhyming scheme. It doesn't seem to match up. You have also mixed what I would term poetic phrases, such as 'And the black coal of men's hate' with mundane phrasing such as 'And where the wild dogs bark'. To me this lends a certain discordance to the poem. I definitively think that there are parts of the poem worth keeping, but it does need a bit of an overhaul in my view.